his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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