It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
