She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
