So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
