he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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