So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
