can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
