I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
