you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
