he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
