omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
