Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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