sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
