Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
