Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
