I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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