Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he shaved USA in his pubs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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