my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
