dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
