apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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