This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
