At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
