She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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