Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
