If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
