I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
