I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
