I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
