no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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