New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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