I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
