he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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