Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
