I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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