Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
