Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
