i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
