Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
