you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
