Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
