fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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