We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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