Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
