Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
