I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
