K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
