took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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