I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As shirtless as possible
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
