I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
