i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
